‘Would you like me to see the match?’

IMAGE: Channel 4

Queen of the South have apologised after an elderly man dressed as a giant cat in a hat attended a game.

With the Dumfries & Galloway area subject to Tier 4 restrictions, fans are barred from attending matches.

The Scottish Championship side, however, discovered a loophole in the Scottish Government’s regulations. According to the the guidance, “A supporter CAN enter the ground if he has told Saddam Hussein ‘Sir, I salute your courage, your strength, your indefatigability’ and is wearing a ridiculous hat”.

RONALDO NEEDS TO STOP WHINING.

The club were satisfied that these conditions had been met, and duly allowed Galloway and his family entrance to Palmerston Park for the match against Dundee.

By Sunday night, however, controversy had erupted after one of the 17 people who remain unblocked by Galloway (pictured below) saw him tweeting a photo from the game.


IMAGE: BBC Scotland

Fans were understandably furious. While ordinary supporters are unable to attend matches, the man who supported Nigel Farage in 2019 was not only welcomed into the stadium, but felt comfortable enough to tweet about the experience.

The Doonhamers duly released a statement attempting to defuse the controversy. It read: “We can confirm that George Galloway did attend our game against Dundee at Palmerston yesterday.

“In our defence, we thought it was just a large cat in an even larger hat. One of the players pointed out it was someone from Big Brother, and with the hat covering his face we just assumed it was Vanessa Feltz.

“Once it started lapping up milk on the sidelines we realised it was Mr Galloway. He was very polite in fairness, at one point asking: ‘Would you like me to see the match?’.

“This may look like a case of ‘one rule for self-publicising E-list celebrities and another for everyone else’, but it’s worth pointing out that Mr Galloway also has more money than most of our supporters and is therefore deserving of extra privileges.

“He was socially distant within an area of the ground where he formed a bubble with his family.  All Covid protocols were followed at all times, apart from the most important one.

“He was actually offered a place in the starting XI on account of the fact that none of our defenders are anywhere near as good at blocking as he is.

“We would like to apologise to our supporters who have been upset by his attendance at the match.”

Galloway has a history of showing up in places where he doesn’t belong, such as Palmerston Park and 21st century politics.

He has been photographed attending Scottish football matches before, but in less controversial circumstances.

Mr Galloway REDACTED to REDACTED after learning that this website is not a REDACTED arm REDACTED REDACTED Kremlin*.

*Apparently not everyone is capable of recognising satire. For obvious reasons, it’s necessary with this particular story to add ‘THIS IS SATIRE’ in all caps and point out that some of these quotes are made up. THIS IS SATIRE**.

**The Saddam and Farage bits are true.

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